words to live by

Can I start this post by saying....OMG I haven't blogged in almost a month! Bad blogger! I would say I have a good reason for this but I don't. I can't even make up a good one.

Lately I have spent an inordinate amount of time in the deep South. Last weekend I spent a great weekend with a bunch of great ladies at our favorite horse ranch in Georgia. And, the weekend before I spent in South Carolina at the NASCAR race in Darlington.

Along the way I saw a billboard after my own heart. This road sign simply stated: "Country Cookin' Makes You Good Lookin'" Amen sister, amen! I have no idea what was being advertised but this slogan shall stay with me forever. It will now be my sole excuse for eating all the Southern food I would like.

That brought up all the other Southern words to live by. For example, "Bless your heart." To the          un-expecting Yankee this seems like a lovely sympathetic term. In reality it is never a good thing. For those not familiar, "Bless your heart" is something you don't want to hear said about you. This phrase is what we polite southern belles say when we really want to say something very un-lady like. A soccer mom steals your parking spot at the mall? You reply, "Bless her heart." Your boyfriend thinks that a vacuum cleaner is a great birthday gift? Your friends respond, "Bless his heart." You see, we actually mean the complete opposite.

And now, courtesy of, a tutorial on how to use Southern phrases.


Things You'll Need:

  • Extra Time

  1. Step1

    "Butter my butt, and call me a biscuit!" It's a clear way to say you are knocked out of your britches with a new tidbit of knowledge.

    "It made me as ill as a hornet." You were so mad, you just didn't know what to do.

    "If that don't put pepper in the gumbo."

    "Well, slap my head and call me silly."

    "Tie me to an anthill and fill my ears with jam."

  2. Step2

    "Bless her/his heart."

    "Do tell."

    "My cow died last night, so I don't need your bull."

    "I do declare."

    "Well, shut my mouth."

  3. Step3

    "She's resting in peace in the marble orchard." (You can add "Bless her heart.")

    "He's fixin' to meet his Maker."

  4. Step4
    STUPID, UGLY AND CLUMSY PEOPLE (there must be a lot around here because there are many ways to imply such things) Since we don't usually call people stupid, ugly and clumsy - follow each of these phrases with, "Bless his/her heart"

    "He looks like something the dog's been keeping under the porch."

    "She's so ugly, she could haunt a house."

    "He's acting crazier than a sprayed roach."

    "She's two sandwiches shy of a good picnic."

    "If brains were dynamite, he couldn't blow his nose."

    "He's as useful as a pogo stick in quicksand."

    "She needs some fries to go with that shake."

    "Like a bump on the log."

    "She's so clumsy, she could trip on a cordless phone."

    Do you have a favorite phrase/saying/slang?